I was engaged when I found out my father was unfaithful to my mother.
I was out of town about 2 hours away from home in sunny Key West with my soon to be husband when I got a phone call from my younger sister in the middle of the night in pure panic.
“Dad is cheating on mom”, she said.
I still remember the way my heart sank in that moment.
I still remember the anger that rose up we drove closer to home.
I woke up my soon to be husband and we drove silently in the dark all the way home with tears running down my face the.entire.time.
At that moment I felt as if my life was crumbling in front of me.
For some reason, my parents divorcing was a huge fear of mine growing up.
Maybe it was the constant fighting I saw… the unhealthy relationship I was used to seeing.
But I feared their separation so badly.
And now…. it was worse because now I was getting married.
And surely if it happened to my mom, it could happen to me. I was DEVASTATED.
I was beyond angry at my father.
I spent the next year living in the same house but not glancing at him, not speaking to him, and looking at him with disgust EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
It was a very very very hard season in my life.
I had always been a very confident, secure girl and woman and all of a sudden I found myself up to my neck with insecurity.
It was extremely tough to feel so insecure. It was almost embarrassing to feel that way even though most people probably didn’t realize I felt like that.
But also embarrassing with my husband…. knowing that he knew I felt insecure… felt terrible.
That was the year that I gave my life to God and became a born again Christian…
Thank God or else I don’t know what would have happened to me or my marriage.
I did end up getting married and I was very happy and my family was very supportive.
But that first year of marriage was tough.
I was so afraid that Danny would be unfaithful to me that I suffocated him.
The Moment It All Changed
I didn’t want to suffocate him… I was aware of what I was doing, but I couldn’t control my emotions.
I knew he had given me no reason to doubt him, but it felt beyond my control.
It wasn’t until one late night after a major argument that I went into the guest room with my bible and cried and prayed for over 6 hours until I guess I cried myself to sleep.
I battled it out… I gave it to God and asked him to help me.
How could I use this pain that my family… that my mom was experiencing to serve me instead of hurt me?
In that moment, I decided that I was going to do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING in my power to have a good marriage.
I made the choice to commit to investing in making my marriage work.
I bought every marriage book I could get my hands on and I bribed and convinced my husband to read them with me.
We attended marriage conferences, we went to church every weekend without missing. We started a bible study in our home. I went to therapy.
For years I was completely committed to doing and learning and practicing everything I could to help me have a good marriage. I became OBSESSED with having a good marriage.
From Infidelity To A Fulfilling Marriage
I am happy, honored and grateful to say that I have an amazing and fulfilling marriage.
Today, I actually can look back at that very painful season in my life and say that even though it caused my mother immense pain, even though my sister and I struggled with it and carried that burden for many years, I am so glad it happened.
That painful season in my life is what gave me the motivation to work on my own marriage.
To commit to working on it without ceasing.
Marriage is a relationship like any other one and it needs work in order to grow, mature and fulfill.
I wonder… What is it in your life that needs that kind of attention, that kind of commitment, that kind of work?
I know one thing… If I hadn’t gone through that pain, I know I would have never been as committed or vested into taking the steps necessary to work on my marriage.
What About YOU?
What heartache or pain or hard season have you experienced in your life?
Are you stuck there?
Are you using that as an excuse for the painful season you are in right now?
Are you blaming your current heartache for the painful season you experienced in the past?
What in your life needs you to become obsessed with it?
Did you grow up seeing physical, verbal or emotional abuse and are now stuck in that same situation?
Did you grow up seeing your mother, or sister or aunt be obsessed with her body image and with unhealthy nutrition and exercise habits?
Do you find yourself also having body shame issues? Do you find yourself with an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise and your body?
If you are, first of all, give yourself grace.
It’s only natural to do that. But lets change things right now!
You don’t have to be a victim of your past.
Claim it my friend, and don’t let that painful season in your life go without it SERVING YOU.
Saying Thank You & Bye-Bye To Those Painful Experiences & Start To Live At Your Potential
Its time to take a hold of that painful experience and commit RIGHT NOW to doing EVERYTHING.YOU.CAN to change things going forward.
We often use our painful past and struggles as a crutch for not living our best life, for struggling with our present, for why we are not where we want to be.
But that is because we are sitting there marinating in it just like I was when I was allowing my fathers infidelity to create division in my own marriage.
Things didn’t begin to change until I said ENOUGH.
I will do everything in my power to not repeat this painful season.
So… whatever it is mama, that has been crippling you from a more fulfilling life, a healthier body, a satisfying relationship….. say good bye to it today. Tell it THANK YOU VERY MUCH for what it’s about to do in your life.
And then start taking steps to better yourself.
Become obsessed with it, like I did when I immersed myself in all things that would help me have a fulfilling marriage.
Today, I am a better wife and have a solid marriage because of that painful season. Today, I am a better mother because my kids are being raised in a NOT PERFECT by any means, there are plenty arguments and disagreements and hard seasons, but they are growing up seeing 2 human beings love and be loved, show affection, make it passed the struggles and 100% committed to each other.
And I can’t wait until the day that you too can look back and say THANK YOU to that painful season.
We got this 🙂